Monday, October 22, 2012

The Cruise-All That Glitters by Jaye Frances : Guest Post & Excerpt


It’s love on the high seas for Dean, a thirty-something bachelor taking his first cruise, hoping for a shipboard romance. On the prowl for the elusive hard-body, he quickly becomes disillusioned, wondering if his expectation of a boatload of beautiful sea nymphs is something found only in travel brochures. 

Until he meets Angel.

She is the girl of his dreams, brought to life as a bewitching goddess, ready to engage in every sensual delight. Quickly lured into submission by Angel’s seductive charms, Dean is ready to surrender his heart and soul to this provocative beauty.

Until he meets Marcie . . .

in kindle eBook from Amazon

Thank you, Laurie, for hosting me today on Laurie’s Thoughts and Reviews with my adult parody, The Cruise – All That Glitters. Written from the male point of view, The Cruise is a twisting satire about an unabashedly shameless single guy hoping to find romanceor his version of iton board a cruise ship.
When most people hear the word “romance” they typically think of a starry-eyed girl conjuring up visions of princes on white horses, fairytale weddings, and happily-ever-after endings. Well, I have news for you . . .
In The Cruise-All That Glitters, you’ll meet Dean, a confident, self-assured bachelor with a full head of hair, a bursting libido, and a suitcase full of lustful expectations. Add to that a lascivious imagination unaffected by the proprieties of social decorum, and you have my main man Dean. Fair warning—he’s a real piece of work.

Driven more by his carnal urges than rational perspective, Dean heads to the high seas hoping for the opportunity to fulfill his fantasy of scoring with as many women as possible. In this humorous romp down the considerably bumpy road of adult romance, Dean meets two very different women, both of whom make him reconsider his irreverent and unconventional assessment of life in the raw lane.

In the following excerpt, Dean is chatting with travel agent Debby. As she explains the usual vacation options, Dean quickly realizes that none of them offer access to the mother lode—an abundance of sexy women to explore and plunder. Quickly losing interest, he is nearly ready to give up, until Debby makes a suggestion . . . a Caribbean cruise.


I notice the huge travel posters behind Debby’s desk—four-color testaments to the blazing sunsets of Hawaii and the clear blue oceans of Tahiti and the Bahamas.
“I don’t know,” I say finally. “Maybe someplace by the water.”
Debby nods, her face appearing to move independently from the cosmetic landfill that covers it. “Sounds like you’re thinking about a beach vacation. Of course, some of the nicest beaches are found in the Caribbean.”
A tropical island. Palm trees. White sand. Gentle trade winds. And me, strolling along the shore, hand-in-hand with a native beauty, both of us wearing nothing but flowers in our hair.
“Sure, why not?”
“Are you a diver?” Debby asks. “There are lots of opportunities to explore old wrecks in the Caribbean.”
I shake my head no.
Shipwrecked. That wasn’t exactly what she’d said, but it sounded so . . . so perfect; mercifully spared by the churning sea, tossed onto a sandy beach where I sit dazed, not yet able to make it to my feet. Barely lucid enough to distinguish between reality and hallucination, I squint at the horizon, straining to focus, my vision still hazy from the salt and sun.
Suddenly, I detect movement, a blur in the distance. I feel a wave of sickening uncertainty as I realize I am not alone in this tropical paradise. I begin to imagine the worst: wild animals, or even headhunters, slowly sizing up their next trophy. I wait, unprotected and half-blind as a dozen indistinguishable forms move toward me.
In moments, I am surrounded. My soon-to-be captors reach for me, their touch bold and unafraid. Knowing I have no other choice, I resign myself to battle. I grab for the closest assailant, determined to dispatch as many of my attackers as possible. But my efforts are at once disarming and surprisingly unnecessary as my fingers find soft, yielding skin. I ease my grip, feeling the focus of my assault trembling with fear.
My vision beginning to clear, I squint through the briny mask that still covers my face and see the clouded forms turn rich with detail. As they peer from a sea of softly flowing blond hair, I am greeted with smiles of unmistakable welcome as a dozen pair of huge blue eyes meet my own.
They are the most beautiful castaways I can imagine. As I scan the few remaining shreds of fabric clinging to their taut, supple bodies, I realize I’m looking at the tattered uniforms of cheerleaders—high school seniors. I smile and open my arms as they gather around me, each one offering the press of bare flesh, each one in obvious compliance and ready submission, each one knowing instinctively that only I can protect her from certain danger that lurks in the coming night.
I wonder if that is somewhere in the brochure. I wonder if good ol’ Debby, Travel Professional, can recommend a resort with a great beach, close to a high school.
“I guess an island sounds okay,” I answer. “But it’s got to be affordable. Do these trips ever go on sale?”
“How about several islands for the price of one?” She hands me a glossy booklet and adds, “Take a look at this.”
I flip through the pictures. There are men in tuxedos and women in low-cut dresses, their heads tilted back, laughing at God knows what. A black waiter—he’s not laughing—stands by their table. On the opposite page, good-looking couples gather around a grand piano, sipping exotic drinks and showing off their tans.
I turn the page and see the layout of a huge cruise ship.
Suddenly, Debby holds up a single finger, indicating our conversation has been suspended. She turns to her computer screen and begins a dry reading of room accommodations and prices into the phone.
I open to the center foldout and find an overview of the boat’s recreation deck. An inset photo offers an aerial view of hundreds of empty lounge chairs lining the edges of two pools set end-to-end. Another picture shows the activity at sea, with many of those chairs occupied by the prone bodies of perfectly proportioned women. Darkly tanned and nearly naked—some have untied their tops—they boldly prop themselves up on their elbows, unfettered by fabric or social restraint. They look spectacular. And ripe. And ready for harvest. I decide it is a magnificent sight, this incredible ship of mostly beautiful women. 

Jaye Frances is the author of The Kure, a paranormal-occult romance novel, The Possibilities of Amy, a coming-of-age romance novella, The Cruise-All That Glitters, a humorous adult satire about looking for love at sea, and The Beach, a sci-fi fantasy about a man who is given the opportunity to receive his ultimate wish and lives to regret it. Her next book, scheduled for a November release, is titled Love Travels Forever, a collection of poignant short stories and essays. She is also a featured columnist for the NUSA SUN magazine. Born in the Midwest, Jaye readily admits that her life’s destination has been the result of an open mind and a curiosity about all things irreverent. When she’s not consumed by her writing, Jaye enjoys cooking, traveling to all places tropical and “beachy” and taking pictures—lots of pictures—many of which find their way to her website. Jaye lives on the central gulf coast of Florida, sharing her home with one husband, six computers, four cameras, and several hundred pairs of shoes. For more information, visit Jaye’s website at, or Jaye’s Blog at 

Author Links:
Blog  |  Website  |  FacebookAmazon  |  Goodreads

See also these previous feature posts

(Click the image to open the Feature in a new window): 

The Kure

The Possibilities of Amy

The Beach

Enter for a chance to win a Kindle formatted copy of The Cruise: All That Glitters.
Comment on this post for a bonus entry.
Like the author on Facebook for another bonus entry.
Giveaway ends November 17th 11:59 PM Central Time.


Sandy said...

Jaye, The Cruise sounds like a delightful read! Off to share for you.


Jaye Frances said...

Thank you, Sandy. Appreciate you stopping by!
Jaye Frances

Brooke said...

I haven't read a book like this from the male perspective. I'm interested on how this turns out. I have a few speculations from the blurb and can't wait to find out what happens.

Karen Arrowood said...

Hmmm.. yup, Dean sounds like a piece of work, alright. I agree with Brooke, I think the male perspective in this book would be very interesting. I hope Dean gets exactly what he deserves!

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