10 Things that Absolutely Drive Me Insane
Oh my Lamb! Can I jump right in? When Laurie’s Thoughts and Reviews allowed me to guest blog and gave me the green light to list—actually, list!—all the things that irk the bejeezus out of me, I thought I had paid Laurie $100 an hour to sit on her couch. Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. I’m all giddy! I don’t get to do this without zoning out and glassy eyes eventually occurring. Okay, here I go! Ten things that absolutely drive me up-a-wall bonkers!
1. The incorrect use of comparatives and superlatives. Drives me NUTS! Some years ago I worked in an office where one of my co-workers consistently and frequently said “more better”. Son-of-a-&*%$%#!! I swear, I wanted to scream! The only time those two words should be used together is if they’re describing Blues…and even then it was “Mo’ Betta”! I can’t stand when I hear “most hungriest” or “more prettier”. It’s either “most hungry” or “hungriest”, “more pretty” or “prettier” but for the love of Jay-suz it cannot be both!
2. Smacking. Chew. With. Your. Mouth. Closed. I think my kids learned to keep your lips shut while eating before peeing in the pot. Bump that nails down a chalkboard thing. Hearing someone smack is like gouge-my-eyeballs-out-listening-to-a-twenty-hour-continual-Justin-Bieber-marathon painful! I’m always like, dude, really? You don’t hear yourself? For real??
3. Long stories. I know. This is totally ironic, right? And hypocritical. But when people take a day-and-a-half to tell a story it drives me up a wall. I start to get antsy, my head begins to itch, and my leg gets twitchy. Get. To. The. Point. I beg of you. If I ask about the fight at work, I don’t need to know what each combatant ate for lunch, who they talked to on the phone right before break, or what their dogs’ names are. Just give me the details about how the throw-down happened! Just the facts, man!
4. Unsolicited catfishers. As opposed to solicited catfishers. Snicker. Seriously though, besides my personal favorite “Hullo” or “Wuzzup?”—because those really persuade me want to reply and start a stimulating, incorrect grammatical dialogue—I can’t stand when direct messages pop up on Facebook from “Jame Smith” from the Heartland who saw my profile and felt our spirits connect, and believes we can be friends but only if I let him close to my pretty self. Of course we can’t talk over FB, but if I were to email him at a certain yahoo account we could start this relationship—yes, a relationship because he is widowed and wants to be committed. Now if I could just send him pictures of myself and $5,000 to help liberate him from a Ghana jail where he has been unjustly imprisoned… Unhuh. Right after you learn how to spell your name, Jame. Forgot the “s’ there… Just stop clogging up my FB inbox with this crap!
5. Phone calls during Dr. Phil. Just don’t do it.
6. Uncle Cleatis on the five o’clock news. It’s been said time and time again but it irks me to no end when something goes down, and a reporter will find the most ignorant, toothless, illegible person to interview. What exactly do they add to the news piece besides “I said to myself, self! Now that’s a fiiiire!” As in-depth and accurate as the statement is, what value did it have other than to add color and a shout-out to Big Ma?
7. Constant sniffing. And this comes from a person who seems to have a perpetual nose drip. Get some tissue, doggone it, and blow! That’s what the tissue is for. But that constant *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* *sniiiiiiff* O.M. G. I’m gonna cut your nose off, I swear!
8. Look at me when I’m talking to you! This is a pet peeve of mine. When I talk to someone I want them to look me in the face. Not only is it incredibly rude to stare everywhere but in my eyes, I start to think maybe you’re lying. Or plotting. Or plotting to lie. It’s just reeeallly shifty. And rude. Did I mention rude?
9. Whining. I go spontaneously deaf when someone starts speaking like a two year-old. Even two year-olds.
10. Babies in the movie theater. Actually, I don’t have a problem with the babies in the theater. It’s when they start crying and their parents refuse to leave out and calm them that gets my Agent Orange to actin’ up! Let’s see. I paid ten dollars to see a movie—the baby didn’t. Who should go? It’s like the parent is saying, if I can’t hear the movie, you can’t either! It’s just plain inconsiderate. And ruuuuuude!!
Sigh. I feel ever so much better. Thank you, Laurie, for letting me unload! You’re awe-SOME! So, now that I have vented, what drives you insane! One of my ten or one I didn’t mention? Share!
Now don’t forget to enter the contest celebrating the release of Secrets and Sins: Malachim, Book 2 of the series! September 23rd through October 4th, you have a chance to enter a GIVEAWAY for a $20 Amazon Gift Card, a World Traveler Boston cuff bracelet, and the 4 September Ignite releases! You can enter through the Rafflecopter below!
When Danielle Warren shows up on Boston attorney Malachim Jerrod’s doorstep looking for a job, his first thought is trouble. Well, actually his first thought is how does a woman with the face of a saint have the voice of a sex phone operator? But sexy trouble or not, he’s desperate for a paralegal to help keep his struggling law office afloat. Can the boss keep his distance from the silk of his employee’s skin, the siren lure of her body…or ignore the haunting vulnerability in her eyes.Danielle can’t remember her own name, because it belongs to someone else. The new identity has afforded a fresh start and a new job. She’s taking control, making her own decisions, and refuses to allow anything to distract her—even her unwanted desire for her boss. Because distraction is dangerous and letting her guard down is not an option. Especially with a shadowy figure stalking her every move.
Danger is on the hunt, threatening the boss she’s falling in love with. Should she fight for the future of her dreams or flee to save Malachim’s life? Danielle must make a decision. Because her lies are unraveling. And some secrets can kill…
Quick Facts and Links:
Naima Simone is a multi-published author in contemporary and erotic romance. She’s a member of RWA’s Southern Magic chapter, mother of the Dynamic Duo, lover of everything Vin Diesel and wife to the fabulous husband who tolerates this affair.
Naima’s Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads
A $20 Amazon Gift Card , World Traveler Boston Map Cuff Bracelet and the e-Book Set of Entangled Ignite September 2013